I thought I had dealt with the fact that my publisher is closing down and what that means. I guess I didn’t.
Today is the 1st of December, the official closing date of Fox and Raven. Though it’s been silent for a long time, today still feels a little like a death, an end. I won’t lie, today is hard.
I know, I know. I’m an overly sentimental fool.
It seems ridiculous because despite the publisher closing down, I still had my book published. I won’t diminish that achievement but it was so short lived and so devoid of marketing and sales that I feel a little robbed. This is where I push my stubborn optimist to the fore. She needs to live large now so that I don’t let myself get crushed under this disappointment. This is where she thrives, pushing back the darkness and reminding me why I do this, why I love doing this.
So it’s back to square one. Back to queries and rejections. Back to wondering whether I will ever find an agent who believes in my stories as much as I do. Maybe, this is the work of a writer. This process of success and failure. This is where our dedication is tested and our resolve is measured.
I’ll probably shed a few tears today, washing away the expectations I had, and I’ll get back to work. I’ll write. That’s how I deal with everything.